


the ache of yearning, and how it tends to linger

by lampsabout



Series: Vicar Maxmillian DeSoto and Captain Hannibal Reyes [2]
Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Self-Hatred, hannibal says i love you and max has a breakdown over it for a little bit, ive had the WORST writers block recently so im posting some recent shorter stuff ive done, max has some trouble with words, positive affirmations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lampsabout/pseuds/lampsabout
Summary: It was funny. The vicar had confessed first, back on that night on Scylla. He had rambled about his affections, his attraction, how devoted he was, and he never dreamed of a response back. So why was he so...distraught?
Relationships: Male Captain/Maximillian DeSoto
Series: Vicar Maxmillian DeSoto and Captain Hannibal Reyes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074851
Kudos: 9





	the ache of yearning, and how it tends to linger

**Author's Note:**

> title is a comment left by my friend when she first read this hehe

The word shot through him like a stray bullet. A hot knife searing through his heart.

“Goodnight. I love you.” He had said. The words bounced around inside of Max’s skull for longer than he’d like to admit. they had so easily and so beautifully slipped out of Hannibal’s tired mouth. Drifting between unconsciousness and wakefulness, Hannibal had been less than coherent all night. A long day on Monarch with Felix and Nyoka, getting supplies, and fighting mantipillars.

Had Hannibal have still said it, if it had been a normal day? Would it have so easily and so prettily drifted off his lips and stabbed itself into Max’s brain, draining his thoughts into it? Would he have meant it?

He never doubted that he meant it. He wouldn’t dare. Hannibal had been nothing but genuine throughout their partnership. Then...then why did this hit him so hard?

Hannibal burrowed his nose into the crook of Max’s neck, exhaling in casual comfort. It was a death knell for Max. He felt safe. He felt happy. He was...happy, with Max.

It was funny. The vicar had confessed first, back on that night on Scylla. He had rambled about his affections, his attraction, how devoted he was, and he never dreamed of a response back. So why was he so...distraught?

This was what he wanted. This was what he craved from his captain but denied himself for so long, right? So why? Why did it matter so much that Hannibal had casually expressed that he shared the love Max felt? Why did it  _ hurt? _

Was it because Max was lonely? Was it because he wasn’t sure if anyone ever told him they loved him? Was it because he just wanted it so bad? Was it hurting more than it was supposed to because he Craved the love that Hannibal was offering him? Why? Why is he still trying so hard to rob himself of companionship, even now that he has it?

Maybe Max was broken. Maybe he was just born that way. He’s Maximillian DeSoto. There’s no cure for that. The poison inside of him...he comes by it honestly, he supposes. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s going to ruin it. He should just get up from this sleep chamber and sprint back to his room, lock the door and pack up. Leave the next day. That’s right. He’d leave, and he’d be halfway across Halcyon. Then...then he couldn’t ruin it. Then he couldn’t mess everything up. Then he...

“Mmm, Max?” Hannibal breathed against his neck. 

The vicar froze. He said nothing. He didn’t dare move an inch, his knuckles going white from how hard he gripped the book in his hands.

“Yes?”

“Are you okay...? Your heartbeat...went irregular.” God damn it. He was a doctor. Of course he was a doctor. Max deeply sighed, cursing how his breath shook on the way down.

“No.” He said, after a half second of contemplating lying. “No, I’m not okay.”

Hannibal pushed himself up in an instant, the arms that wrapped around Max’s middle moving to bring Hannibal to Max’s eye level. Max stared a hole in his book, scared that he’d cry if he looked at his captain.

“Hey, hey,” Hannibal pushed, a calloused hand moving to Max’s cheek, his thumb rubbing against his face. “You can talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“You...you..” Come on. Say it. Tell him that you’re afraid of what those words mean. Disappoint him. Let him down. Ruin it. You’re going to anyway. “You told me that you loved me. And it...it...it  _ frightened me. _ ”

“...It frightened you?” Hannibal asked. He sounded confused. Great. So Max ruined it. He ruined it and he broke this man’s heart and he ruined it for everyone. Amazing! 

“You can be mad at me. I know...I know I just,  _ fucked  _ it all up!” Max exclaimed, slamming his book shut and shoving his head into his hands.

Hannibal was on him in an instant, arms wrapping around his shoulders and guiding his face into his chest. Despite Max’s distraught state, he relinquished immediately, hurriedly wrapping his arms around Hannibal’s soft belly, clinging to him as if he could stop Max from drowning in his own self pity. 

He was...warm. His skin radiated heat that thrummed throughout Max’s body, the hairs on his chest scratching against Max. “I’m sorry, I’m,” Max choked out, as Hannibal’s hand rubbed cicles into his back.

“Hey. I...get it. That you had a rough time. I was there on Scylla too, y’know.” Hannibal chuckled, the adorable twinge in his voice spearing itself in Max’s heart. “I should’ve guessed that saying something like that might’ve...gotten to ya.”

“Stop that.” Max hushed. “I’m the one being weird here, okay? You did everything right. I’m just...fucked, I guess. Ruined.”

“Hey now. Don’t say that.” Hannibal pushed. “No one’s broken. Maybe we’re a little roughed up, but we’re not broken. Hell, you’re talking to a man with one eye! And I’m still doin’ just fine. We’re a little roughed up, but we still work, don’t we? We just find new pieces.”

“New...pieces.” Max whispered.

“Yeah. Like you, Ellie, Parvati, Nyoka, Felix, SAM, hell, even ADA and Dr. Welles.” Hannibal laughed. “You all help me work again. Can’t see out of one eye, so I got you guys to cover for me. I’m not really a math person, but you and Ellie are. I don’t do a lot of things well. That’s why I have you. And that’s why I love having you around. We don’t fix eachother. We just...help eachother work a little bit better. I’m never gonna get another eye, ain’t I?” He giggled at that, the noise echoing throughout Max’s body.

“I love you too, you know.” Max mumbled. “Even if...even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

Hannibal breathed a laugh. “Don’t worry. I know.”


End file.
